The way I feel
by Jessie-chan aka Jessie
Summary: James marries Jessiebelle after his parents truly die. What will Jessie do?
1. part 1

Part 1 - The things you have to do for happiness  
  
  
  
Jessie and James both sat in the back seat of the long black limousine that Jessiebell had sent them. James was uncomfortable in his black tuxedo but Jessie really loved the black elegant dress she was wearing. The ride seemed so long, and they hardly say anything to each other, because they were both very nervous. They had finally arrived to the big estate, pulled themselves out of the limousine and stood there for a while, looking at the great size of the house and the lands that surround it.   
  
James' mom had died last week, a year after his dad died, and left everything to her only son, but of course, it will all be given to him only after he marries Jessiebell.  
  
They would have stand there for a longer while but then they heard the familiar annoying voice: "James, dear! You look as amazing as ever!"   
The young girl ran over to James and gave him a big hug, and he unwillingly hugged her back.   
  
"And you, Jessie! You look just stunning, of course!" Jessiebell said spuriously. Jessie gave her a fake smile. "Of course".  
  
Jessiebell took James' hand and led him into the house, And Jessie slowly followed them, looking around her. The house was beautiful, just the way she had remembered it, but so lifeless and cold. There were only a few servants left after the mother died and a few business men who were waiting for James to come and close a few deals.   
  
Suddenly Jessie saw Biatriss, The old French housemaid, which became a good friend of hers in the last time she'd been there. Jessie came closer to the old lady and smiled.  
  
"Biatriss..."  
  
"It's good to see you, Madame. And Monsieur Morgan too. I hope you have a nice stay here."  
  
Jessie smiled at her and went after James and Jessiebell to her new room.  
  
-  
  
The dinner was splendid, as always in this house. Jessie and James were there, dressed in elegant suits, and also Jessiebell and a few of James' parents' lawyers were there. After the meal, it was time for the painful business side. One of the lawyers was the first to speak:  
  
"Well Mr. Morgan, as you know, your mother had left you all the money and businesses that she and your father had when they were alive, since you are their only heir alive. We've gone through all the details the last time you were here. As you know, the heritage will be given to you only if you marry Jessiebell, who is in charge of getting you in the right condition, so you can run the family fortune in the proper way."  
  
Jessiebell was very content with this decision but James was pretty mad. "I don't need anyone to get me in the right condition."  
  
"I believe your parents thought otherwise."  
  
"You know the rules", added a second lawyer, "Marry her and get the money and the businesses."  
  
"You all know Jessiebell and I have no relationship as a couple, only business relations." James spoke clearly and in a deep serious voice that Jessie didn't recognize.  
  
"Then consider it a business deal. You will have to stay married to her until the money will become legally yours and you'll have enough money to buy the businesses yourself. It will probably take a few months, maybe a year."  
  
A year! Jessie couldn't even think of it. She knew James didn't want to do it and was very surprised when he said: "Let me think of it tonight. I will let you know tomorrow."  
  
-  
  
Jessie couldn't sleep. She was afraid of what James is going to say tomorrow to the lawyers. She couldn't think of her life without him, after such a long time together. He was everything she had, her best friend and a huge part of her life, and his decision might tear them apart for good. She had never told him how she truly felt, and how much she loved him. Instead she was confused and frustrated so she hit him and yelled at him to cover her feeling. But now it could be too late.   
  
Somebody knocked on her door. She put on her robe and opened it. It was   
James.  
  
"Hi, I'm sorry about the late hour, may I come in?  
  
"Sure, James."  
  
He came into the room and sat on a chair. Jessie sat on the bed right in front of him, and gave him a soft look.   
  
"Oh, Jess, I don't know what to do", he whined. She smiled. This was the James she'd known forever. "I hate big decision and this one is one of the biggest I've ever had to make."  
  
"I know, James. I know."  
  
"I mean, you know how much I want to be free and what a big part you and Team Rocket are in my life, but you also know how bad I want to be rich. This is the opportunity I've been waiting for and I just can't turn it down!"  
  
"I don't think you should", the words coming out of her mouth surprised her too. She doesn't?!  
  
"You don't?" He looked at her, surprised.   
  
"No", and she suddenly knew what made her say that. She loved him too much and couldn't be selfish this time. "This is a great opportunity."  
  
"Yes, and I'll have to stay married to that horrible Jessiebell for only a few months!" He looked pretty excited now.  
  
"It's true. It might just be worth it." She stood up and went over to the  
wide window. "So... I guess this is where we go our separate ways", she added sadly.  
  
James stood up and came closer to her, giving her a big hug. "Jess, I don't want you to go." And then he looked her in the eyes and took her hands:   
"Stay with me here, Jessica. You can live here with me, I'll give you everything- food, dresses, jewelers- everything you want will be yours."  
  
Jessie looked at him with wet eyes. It sounded great but she couldn't do it.   
"And I'll have to be depended on you for the rest of my life."  
  
"Oh, no, I'll find you a job, in one of my dad's businesses, you'll have your own money. Please, Jessie, Please say you'll stay with me. I can't do this with out you."  
  
Jessie turned away from him and looked through the window, at all the great gardens that spread over the hills and beyond. It could all be hers, and she won't have to leave James. She turned back and looked at his green shining eyes. "Yes, I'll do it."  



	2. part 2

Part 2 - The things you have to do for money   
  
  
"Jessie, dear, I'm so glad you agreed to be my bridesmaid." Jessiebell was wearing the most beautiful wedding dress. Jessie was sitting in her pretty white dress next to her. She looked 10 times prettier than the bride, but it wasn't *her* happy day.  
  
"I'm only doing this for James."   
  
"Oh, I know you are, dear. Don't worry, I'll take very good care of your James." She smiled at Jessie, trying to cover her deep hate. She knew very well who really held James' heart- Jessie, and not Jessiebell. Luckily for the two of them, a young girl went into the room and prevented a cat fight between them, announcing that the groom is ready and the wedding can begin.  
  
Jessiebell hopped happily down the stairs (in a "proper" way, of course), and Jessie slowly and unwillingly followed her. It's gonna be a very long day, she thought to herself.  
  
The beautiful garden was full with people Jessie didn't know. It was a  
beautiful afternoon, the sun was shining and Jessie could feel the cool breeze. The trees looked taller than ever and she could see the blossoms of the new spring flowers. The house seemed alive and marry for the first time, but Jessie didn't feel that way.   
  
She heard the Organ playing the wedding march, she knew it's her cue, and started walking slowly. There she saw James standing next to the best men and the priest, nervous, with his dark blue tuxedo, his hair fixed properly. He looked so cute and handsome, and it made Jessie feel really awful. When James saw Jessie his eyes lit, and she could feel that he was just as disappointed as she was, that she didn't take a few steps further and stand by his side as the bride.  
  
Jessiebell, smiling happily, took her place next to James. Suddenly Jessie felt sorry for her. Here she was, with a beautiful dress, tons of make-up and hair-spray, in a day that supposed to be her happiest day, and she is getting married to a man that doesn't love her, and marries her just for the money. Jessie couldn't imagine degrading herself to this level, that she will have to marry someone who didn't love her.   
  
Jessie could hardly remember anything else after that. She couldn't listen to phony vows that the two exchanged , and when the priest asked if anyone has a reason why they shouldn't be wed, she almost jumped forward and yelled: I have a reason! Because I love him! BECAUSE I LOVE HIM !!!  
But instead she just stood there, trying to hide the tears in her eyes, but one tear slipped down her cheek when the time had come. Up until that point there was a chance, maybe it was all just a dream, maybe something will happen... but James took a big breath, looked over at Jessie and then back at his bride, and said: "I do."  
  
Jessie was sitting in a chair among the guests after the ceremony had ended, and felt really exhausted. She saw Jessiebell in the middle, laughing with the guests and bragging with her new husband. Jessie looked around her at all the high-society people and wondered how on earth will she get along with all of them. Sure, she wanted to be rich and have everything she wanted, but being rich wasn't the easiest thing in the world. Look at all that James has to sacrifice. His freedom, his spirit, and a chance for a true love. The things you have to do for money.  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft voice she heard behind her back.   
  
"Hello, Jessie."  
  
She turned around quickly and saw James standing there and smiling a sad smile at her. "You look gorgeous", He added, looking at her white dress and the new hairdo that made Jessie look really beautiful.  
  
"Thank you", she stood up, came closer to him and instinctively straightened his tie. This made her feel like his real wife. "You look very handsome yourself."  
  
He laughed, and then looked her deep into her eyes, "Thank you for being  
here with me." He said softly, giving her cheek a little caress.  
  
She smiled at him bitterly. "Oh, well, That's what friends are for- standing  
for each other when they are sick or injured or in troubles... or getting married to a woman they don't love."  
  
He gave her a bitter, sad smile back. She was right, of course, but things have already been done, and there was no way back.   



	3. part 3

  
Part 3 - The things you have to do for love  
  
  
Jessie was wondering around in the big estate, walking down the halls and looking sadly through the windows. The beautiful estate that was so inviting before had become her golden cage. It's been 2 months since James and Jessiebell got married, and things got really though. Sure, she had everything she needed, and she was wearing a designer's original dress and had a pearl necklace around her neck but... James was busy in his businesses and was totally flooded with work, so he hardly had any time for Jessie. Also, the job he promised her wasn't given to her yet, and she felt lonely and bored. One sleepless night she passed near James and Jessiebell's room, and she heard Jessiebell giggling. She didn't consider that before- did James and Jessiebell...?  
  
Jessie sat at in big upholstered chair and sighed sadly, closing her eyes for a moment. Suddenly she heard a voice, and she opened her eyes. It was old Biatriss, the French maid.   
"Madame...?"  
  
  
"Biatriss, good morning." She was happy to see the only person that she could talk to. Unfortunately Biatriss was pretty old and came to work only two times a week.  
  
"Bonjour, Madame... How are you feeling today?"  
  
"Oh, as usual, you know." Jessie sighed.  
  
"Is something wrong?"  
  
"Oh, Biatriss... this place. It's driving me insane."  
  
"Ummm... did you tell monsieur Morgan about it?"  
  
"No, No I can't. I promised him to... it's his dream, and all this- it's his. I can't ruin it for him, he belongs here."  
  
"But you don't." The old lady seemed to know exactly how Jessie felt.  
  
"I thought I did, but no. All my life I've done things for myself, I can't just sit back and let someone else run my life for me now."  
  
"You really should tell Monsieur Morgan. He wouldn't want you to be  
unhappy. He really loves you."  
  
"Really?" She raised her head and looked at Biatriss, surprised. "You think so?"  
  
The old lady laughed. "Of course. I saw the way he looks at you. He's in love. And also, he hasn't touched Madame Morgan at all..."  
  
"Really?!" Jessie laughed in relief. It was the first time she'd laughed for months. "How do you know that?"  
  
"I heard the Madame talking to her personal maid about it. He says he isn't ready yet..."  
  
"That's my James!" Jessie laughed real hard now, but then her laughter faded. "I just can't take him back to danger and hunger again."  
  
"Well, that is for you to decide." Biatriss got up and walked to the door,   
  
"Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel. He would do anything for you."  
  
"That's what I'm afraid of." Jessie thought to herself sadly after Biatriss  
was gone.  
  
-  
  
Jessie sat back in her chair next to the little desk in her room, and read again the letter she had written to James.  
  
"My Dear James!  
While you'll be reading this letter, I'll be far away. I'm so sorry, I know I promised you to stay with you, and I really thought I could easily adjust to the riches life, but it didn't quite happen this way. I was so used to being independent and doing everything my way, I just couldn't stop doing it and be dependent again. Living in that big empty house just drove me insane. It's really not your fault, I know you have businesses to take care of now and also a wife, and you can't take care of an old friend all the time. I appreciate everything you've done for me.   
  
I'm so sorry that I have to leave like that, without talking to you in person, but I know that you would have insisted on coming with me and leaving everything behind, and I can't let you do this. I can't let you walk out of your dream. You belong there, with all the money and the important stuff you have to take care of. You don't belong in poverty and hunger. I do, that's why I'm leaving like this, so you won't try to convince me to stay and make it even harder on me to leave you. I love you so much. I hope that everything you want will be yours.  
  
Yours truly, with all my love-  
  
Jessie"  
  
  
She wiped the tears from her cheeks, put the letter in an envelope, and grabbed her suitcases. On her way down she saw Biatriss packing her bag and getting ready to call off the day, and she walked over to her.  
  
"Biatriss, could you please give Mr. Morgan that envelope?"  
  
"Madame, what are you planning to do?" Biatriss knew by the tears in   
  
Jessie's eyes and the letter in her hand, that she was leaving.  
"I'm leaving, Biatriss."  
  
"But... But..."  
  
"Don't, Please. It's done, I'm leaving now, and please, give James this letter from me. Please, Biatriss, you've been such a good friend."  
  
"You are making a mistake. Neither of you will be happy with out th  
other."  
  
"Biatriss! It's not open to a discussion." Jessie felt her old temper coming back. "Just give it to him, Please!"  
The lady took the letter from Jessie and gave her a sad look.   
  
"Thank you. You've been really great." Jessie smiled and a tear fell from her eye.  
  
"Take care Madame."  
  
Jessie nodded and walked down to the big gate. Just a moment before she walked out of there, she stopped and looked back at the estate. It was so large and beautiful at night, and so quite. She wished she could see James just this once, before she left him forever, wished that she could hold him really close to her. She wanted to kiss him, tell him how much she loved him, how much she'd always loved him. But she couldn't. She couldn't even say good bye.  
  
"Prepare for troubles...No more double trouble for you, James... everything will be just fine for you from now on", She whispered and walked out of the gate into the night.  



	4. part 4

Part 4- The things you have to do for yourself  
  
  
"Jessie, get your butt over here and listen to this!" Amanda was reading something in the newspaper. She was Jessie's friend and a waitress in the little cafe that Jessie was working in.  
  
After leaving James' estate a few months earlier, Jessie had nowhere to go to. At first she tried to go back to the Team Rocket HQ, but she met Meowth there and he told her that the boss is really pissed off at her and James, so she won't be welcomed there. So Jessie decided to go downtown, she rent a small apartment and started working in a little cafe near her new home. Everything started to go pretty well to her, but one thing was still missing-   
She couldn't stop thinking of James. Did he miss her to? Or maybe he was too angry at her for leaving him after she'd promised to stay, so he   
hated her?   
  
"What is it?" Jessie was really tired that day and she could hardly drag herself around.  
  
"Listen to this-" Amanda started reading: "`A young millionaire collapses during board meeting.` `James Morgan collapsed yesterday during the annual board meeting of the rich Morgan family's businesses...` HA!" she laughed in disparagement, "Those rich people, some troubles they have... he probably had too much money or something..." Amanda laughed but Jessie was in total shock.  
  
"Give me that!" She snatched the paper out of Amanda's hand and read the small article: "James Morgan was under a lot of stress lately, between his divorce from Jessiebell Morgan and the new responsibilities he had, taking care of the family businesses that his late parents had left him a year ago..."   
  
Jessie stopped reading and threw the paper on the table. "I gotta go see  
him!"  
  
"What are you talking about?" asked Amanda, "Do you know that man?"  
  
Jessie took off her apron and threw it at Amanda. "Tell the boss I had to take the rest of the day off. I have a personal emergency."  
  
"Jessie! Tell me what happened!" Amanda yelled but Jessie was already catching a cab. Everything happened so fast, she didn't have no time to think it all through, so even if James didn't want to see her, she was on her way to see him.  
  
While standing in front of the tall gate, Jessie started to regret coming back to the estate. Maybe James is angry at her and doesn't want to see her? Maybe he will kick her out...  
  
She was about to turn around and go back to the main road to catch a cab back to her apartment, when she suddenly saw him, walking through the gardens. He looked so thin and weak, So sad and lifeless. Seeing him like that was really Heart-breaking, she felt so sorry for him and her eyes filled with tears. He went towards the gate and suddenly he noticed Jessie standing there.  
  
"You!" his eyes filled with tears. Jessie just stood there and didn't say a word. She was afraid that they will hurt each other with the things they wanted to say.  
  
James came closer to the gate and held the bars with his hands. He truly looked like a prisoner behind the gate. "Why did you come back here?"  
  
She didn't know what to say, and he continued: "Why did you leave me? You promised..."  
  
"I know", she said, coming closer to the gate and covering his hands with hers. He angrily pulled his hands from under her hands. "I explained it all in the letter..."  
  
"The letter? A letter can't hug me or kiss me goodbye, I can't beg a letter to make you stay with me!" Tears fell from his eyes and he wiped them away quickly.  
  
"I didn't want you to make me stay, I couldn't stay, and I couldn't take you away from all..."  
  
"From what?" he sounded angry, "From my `wonderful life` here? Look at me! Do I look happy to you?"  
  
She didn't know what to say to him. It had never occurred to her that this might *not* be what he wanted, that maybe without her, the loneliness was greater than the happiness of being rich and having everything he wanted. Everything he wanted...?  
  
"I'm sorry, James", she cried, putting her head on the bars and clutching them like she was about to fall down if she let them go. "I'm so so sorry."  
  
James gave her a soft look and came closer to her, caressing her cheek from between the bars, and pressing his forehead against hers. "I don't need the money and the power of I don't have the one I love beside me", his hands slowly covered her hands, "Nothing is important without you. Don't leave me again..."  



	5. part 5

  
Epilogue   
  
  
"What?!" the lawyers shouted in surprise.   
  
"You heard me, I leave everything to my Growlith. Biatriss will take care of him and his young ones." Said James.   
  
Biatriss sat on a big chair with the Pokemon on her lap, and smiled over to Jessie.  
  
"And in the meanwhile" He continued, "Until I'll come back, Jessiebell will take care of everything. I know we didn't get along very well but she really handled all the phony marriage well and she took care of my businesses while I was sick in a very proper way."  
  
"Thank you, James dear, you're a wonderful man." Jessiebell smiled at James and he smiled back at her.  
  
"The money that my parents had left directly to me will be mine and I will  
be the only one who has access to the bank accounts. The businesses will be mine to manage whenever I'm back. Ok, I think everything is settled. " He looked at the speechless lawyers and they nodded.   
  
"fine, I'll be leaving now with my fiancee. If you excuse us-" He took Jessie's hand and they both left the room.   
  
On their way out Jessie asked:" James, do you think we'll ever come back here?"  
  
He smiled. "Well, why not? Maybe after we'll have kids."  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ END ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  



End file.
